Maw Maw

Maw Maw

I went to Siler City today to visit my great-aunt. She is 96. I had not seen her in at least 15 years. Maw Maw did not remember who I was. I called her sister my Nanny. Nanny raised my dad as her own because his mom was a drunk and his dad walked out on him...I used to get so mad at my dad because he did things to hurt me. One day I realized that he did the best that he could considering that his parents abandoned him. Grace is amazing when you learn to forgive people like I have forgiven my dad. He loves me and his love is not perfect. He tries though...Back to Nanny. I loved her more than I have loved any of my family members. She got really sick and died 7 years ago. I did not go see her when she was in the ICU. I could not stand the sight of her laying unconscious in the bed in a coma. I never got to tell her goodbye. Seeing her sister today, Maw Maw, made me realize even more how much I miss Nanny and wish that I could have told her goodbye. So I will tell her now.

Nanny, I miss you so much. I still remember the wrinkles on your face as I felt the life you had lived. I could not bring myself to see you laying there in the hospital. Please forgive me for not telling you goodbye. I never felt so loved as I did when you would let me lay my head on your lap as you scratched my head. Remember when we used to lay in the bed together and you would tell me how much you liked Michael Jordan? You would feed me Stoffer's Pizza and shove Diet Coke down my throat as we watched Wheel of Fortune. Seeing Maw Maw was so very hard today. I saw you in her eyes as she stared at me not knowing who I was. I did not come see you in the hospital because I was afraid you would stare at me in the same way. It breaks my heart to not have you kiss me on the forehead. Christmas will never be the same. I hope you know how much you mean to me and how I pray I will see you again. I have this dream that when I go to see Jesus, you will meet me and hug me. You will tell me how much you have loved me and missed me. Then you will hold my hand, take me to see Jesus, and the confusing life that I have lived will then finally make sense. You will give me some candy...then kiss me on my forehead.

Come Sweet Day...Amen.